Kati-chan's Quote Collection

People say some great stuff! Some of it is absolutely brilliant. Some of it is absolutely moronic. Some come from famous people. Some come from my sister who's sitting across the room right now. But either way, there's one simple fact: I just don't have enough forum signatures in which to use all these wonderful quotes I find! So, I've gathered them here, for the enjoyment of all.

The Brilliant

• "The prisons are full of good souls. They get caught so much more often than the bad." ~Guerchard, from Arsene Lupin by Edgar Jepson And Maurice Leblanc
• "Tales from German folklore describe witches using belladonna for lycanthropy, the custom—rarely practiced today outside professional American football—of transforming otherwise normal men into werewolves." ~Richard Marianetti
• "I've been told I don't "get" [Ann Coulter's] humor. My theory is that this is because I have a soul." ~David Simpson
• From a Muslim lady with a pacemaker, about flying: "It does make me miss the days before I started wearing hijab where all I had to show was my driver's liscense and and they waved me over to the pat-down line. I keep wanting to point out that I'm a white girl from CT, and if I was trying to hijack a plane, I probably wouldn't be wearing hijab. To quote Azhar Usman, 'it doesn't exactly keep me under the radar'." ~Antieuclid
• "What the headlines should've been: 'JERRY FALWELL DIES!
  Moderate Christians breath sigh of relief, then immediately feel guilty.'" ~teh_dip
• "You think you're not in prison now? Living in a grey little room. Going to a grey little job. Leading a grey little life." ~ Max Bialystock, The Producers
• "I've got to go out and drink this over." ~Dizzy, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
• "Takes all kinds to make a world, and some kinds were put there for the rest of us to snicker at." ~Franklin of the Panopticon
• "The suspicious mind conjures its own demons." ~Japanese proverb
• "I have judged of others' religion by their lives, for it is from our lives and not from our words that our religion must be read." ~Thomas Jefferson"
• "She's creepier than a Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi doll." ~Laura Fox
• "Reality has a well known liberal bias." ~Stephen Colbert
• "It is free, so you get to set the worth." ~Decimaldance
• "Price is a mysterious thing, sir. When one purchases something cheaply, then strangely, one's feelings about it are proportionately lessened, too." ~Dolls manga
• "There's no sense beating a dead horse -- but if you've reached the point where you even seriously consider that abusing a dead animal might improve your lot in life, I say go ahead and give it a shot." ~Anthony Myers
• "Those who accept their fate find happiness; those who defy it, glory." ~Tagline for the anime Princess Tutu
• "When choosing between two evils, I like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West
• "My hair is getting long enough to behave again, and I don't think I like it. I'm want to look like a lesbian with bad hair, not a politician with good hair. ~Laura Gilkey
• "In theory, true random numbers only come from truly random sources: atmospheric noise, radioactive decay, political press announcements." ~Bruce Schneier
• "When a religion is good, I conceive it will support itself; and when it does not support itself, and God does not take care to support it so that its professors are obliged to call for help of the civil power, 'tis a sign, I apprehend, of its being a bad one." ~Benjamin Franklin
• "I am the 'godless' liberal your president warned you about." ~Laura Gilkey (who, BTW, is considered 'godless' because she listens to what Jesus says about poverty rather than what Republicans say about homosexuality.)
• "People get cats declawed because they don't want the animal to, essentially, be an animal. They don't want to have to train the cat to not scratch here, not climb there, and in essence do what cats do until they are trained. Many owners of declawed cats don't seem to have the commitment to the relationship with the animal that requires them to educate themselves about how to train cats not to scratch the furniture, not to climb into places that would destroy their property, and so on." ~Colleen Patrick (an animal shelter volunteer)
• 'The government just used the wrong approach to selling the metric system. They told us we had to switch. Bad idea. They should have used sex to sell it: "Doesn't 18 centimeters sound better than 7 inches?"
  They could have used weight loss, too: "Which would you rather be: 120 pounds or 54 kilograms?"' ~aintnosin
• "I don't understand this driving on the right thing - it means you have to smash your windscreen if you want to drive with your left hand and shoot with your right. That takes all the fun out of car chase gun battles." ~Ajax
• "Imagine. Time [magazine] has become a publication that believes Al Gore is unhinged...and Ann Coulter is not." ~David Simpson
• "Fraud and falsehood only dread examination. Truth invites it." ~Thomas Cooper
• "Guns kill. Nipples don't." ~movida
• "If the terrorists tried to destroy America, they'd never pull it off. If they came over here and tried to wage guerilla warfare, well, we have Southerners." ~Laura Gilkey
• "When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she's a bitch." ~Bette Davis
• "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform." ~Mark Twain
• "Well-behaved women rarely make history." ~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
• "Most of my ideas belonged to other people who never bothered to develop them." ~Thomas Edison
• "Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid, it is true that most stupid people are conservative." ~John Stuart Mill
• "There is only one way to destroy a taboo, and that is to break it." ~Hakim Bey
• "Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." ~The Dalai Lama
• "When you take charge of your life, there is no longer a need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert
• "Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads." ~E-mail forward
• "An idiot is an idiot ... whether he quotes the Bible or not." ~KISS bassist Gene Simmons
• "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." ~Galileo Galilei
• "I could not believe that anyone who had read this book would be so foolish as to proclaim that the Bible in every literal word was the divinely inspired, inerrant word of God. ... Have these people simply not read the text? Are they hopelessly uninformed? Is there a different Bible?" ~John Shelby Spong, Episcopal bishop of Newark
• "The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools." ~Herbert Spencer
• "I'm furious about the Women's Liberationists. They keep getting up on soapboxes and proclaiming that women are brighter than men. That's true, but it should be kept very quiet or it ruins the whole racket." ~Anita Loos
• "Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law." ~Thomas Jefferson, February 10, 1814
• "The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions." ~Robert Lynd
• "You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." ~Jeannette Rankin
• "Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man. ~Thomas Paine
• "Both read the Bible day and night, but thou read'st black while I read white." ~William Blake
• "Whenever they burn books, they will also, in the end, burn people." ~Heinrich Heine
• "If you have ten thousand regulations, you destroy all respect for the law." ~Sir Winston Churchill
• "To deny what I was is to deny what I am." ~Darius, Highlander TV series, "Saving Grace"
• "Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself." ~Rita Mae Brown
• "The only sin is mediocrity." ~Martha Graham
• "I have the same goal I've had ever since I was a girl. I want to rule the world." ~Madonna
• "I've never had a humble opinion. If you've got an opinion, why be humble about it?" ~Joan Baez
• "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." ~Elayne Boosler
• "Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force." ~Dorothy Sayers
• "I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist." ~Sally Kempton
• "I am too pretty to bother with an eyebrow pencil." ~Chao Luan-Luan
• "It is better to be a bad original than a good copy." ~The Marquis du Defand
• "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought of half as good. Luckily this is not difficult." -Charlotte Whitton
• "When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free." ~Charles Evans Hughes
• "The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." ~George Washington, Treaty of Tripoli, 1796
• "What goes on in Texas? Opening fire on cops, killing presidents, the whole Bush thing. I mean, what the hell?" ~Tom Servo
• "Watching Kati argue is brutal. Owwwwwwwwww." ~Chailain
• "So if you're stupid, then good for you. But if you have malt-o-meal for brains and you're gonna try to slap me into something you try to call logic, then your @$$ is mine." ~2 the Ranting Gryphon
• "Where the hell does someone who thinks he's a fecking angel in a human body get off telling other people their belief system is a delusional coping mechanism?" ~VoidEchthros
• "It strikes me that living-history is the ultimate role playing game. We get to use real guns." ~~Kati's Pops
• "'I'm going on a date with Indiana Jones. I should wear comfortable shoes.'" ~Laura Gilkey
• "If you're not confused, you're in the wrong class." ~Dr. Satish Nair, one of Kati's professors
• "They want to make sure you earn your degree, with an emphasis on the 'Eeerrrrrr!'" ~Laura Gilkey, speaking about the difficulty of attaining an engineering degree.
• "This would be a great movie if it were totally different." ~Laura Gilkey, speaking about a movie that had a good supporting cast, but suffered from annoying main characters and poor plotting.
• "Mommy, they know I'm here!" ~A 4-year-old excitedly looking at a map with a "you are here" dot.
• "I love SPRINGTIME IN MISSOURI!!!" ~An older gentleman, while walking out into an early spring snowstorm.
• "Because this building was built in 1972, there might be lead-based paint under everything. So don't chew on the walls or you could die." ~Stephanie Bradle
• "Sure, come on back. I'll agitate the hell out of you." ~ a cheerful Wal-Mart employee, happy to please.
• "Well, we're somewhere where there's corn. In Illinois. Oh God, we're lost!" ~Laura Gilkey

The Blindingly Stupid

• "Peace does not mean the absence of war." ~Rush Limbaugh
• "If you commit a crime, you are guilty." ~Rush Limbaugh
• "There ought to be limits to freedom." ~George W. Bush, during his 2000 election campaign, about a parody website.
• "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." ~Pres. George W. Bush
• "Obviously, I think they're [things in Iraq] going badly for the soldiers who lost their lives." ~Pres. George W. Bush
• "I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God." ~President George H. Bush
• "Did there used to be trees over there?"
  "Where?"
  "Where those stumps are."
• "You shouldn't eat when you're really really hungry."
• "The rudest people say 'excuse me.'"
• "If you do not have a connection to the Internet, you can contact Curious Labs via e-mail."